Dear Charlie
by b3mysavi0ur
Summary: What a letter to Charlie from his "Dear Friend" might be like. Based on the movie adaptation of 2012. Warning: mentions of suicide


Dear Charlie,

I watched a movie about you, I heard all your letters, snuck a brief glimpse into your life. For a few short moments I could relate and I could understand and I didn't feel so alone. At first I wasn't even sure what had happened to you, what was happening to you, I was so confused! I even had to look it up on the internet just so I could process it and understand. It shocked me, it made me sad. I tried so hard not to but suddenly I saw your whole story in a brand new light and I saw you differently.

I find it sad to think that once someone knows of our past they can't really see who we are as a person anymore, they judge all our actions on what has happened to us and it becomes what defines us. I tried not to be like that. I have a friend who had a similar situation to you. She's different though. She didn't let it hold her back, stop her from being social and living her life to the fullest. I'm not saying that you didn't try to do the same. Maybe you just didn't have that opportunity.

I can't claim to know what it was like; watching all the events of that time in your life and seeing what happened to your friends as well, I know that I am far better off than what I could be at my age. I lead a spoilt life. That friend I mentioned earlier? She told me that she looks up to me, that I was a strong person, merely because I didn't completely break down after I found out that my father had cheated on my mother and that they were separating. I don't know how that constitutes strength in her eyes. She has survived much worse and should I have been I in her position I know that I would be royally fucked up more than I am now.

I don't have any kind of trauma to blame it on. I really am just messed up. People always tell me that every teenager feels this way. Do they? Do they feel that the only reason that they haven't killed themselves yet is because they know that the people around them wouldn't handle it? Though I'd be lying if I said that was the only reason. I feel suicide is too easy, the easy way out, not to mention how selfish it is. I heard others complaining about a girl once, saying she had no reason to kill herself that she was only looking for attention. Is that what I'm doing?

I saw that you try not to be judgmental so I wonder what you would think of me if you really did read this letter. Would you ask why? What reason do you have to not want to live? How would I answer that? This is why I'm so messed up, I don't have a reason why, it's more why not? I know I'm not going to do much with my life anyway, I'm not going to benefit anyone in any way and then I'll just die with no legacy to leave on to the world. I'm no Socrates or Oscar Wilde, so why not? All this pressure of life and keeping up relationships, finishing school, getting a job, if it all ends with death why not just speed up the process?

I hope you understand, because I don't think anyone else would. I think they'd view me as an idiotic sixteen year old with too much time on their hands and a spoilt child whose parents indulgence have left them with nothing else better to do then end my life, what suffering have I endured that would make a suicide understandable? I've led you on a falsehood, my parents aren't rich, actually they struggle to make ends meet and we barely have enough to live comfortably and still they spend money on me. I don't even deserve it.

I don't blank out, or have episodes. I haven't been diagnosed with any disease mental or otherwise. I'm a perfectly normal sixteen year old. I don't have trouble making friends, actually I have quite a lot of friends and many of them believe that they are very close to me. "You never change" they say even when I haven't seen some of them in over a year. But I'm not complaining...I'm not.

That friend I told you about? We've been through a lot together. Our friend committed suicide almost two years ago. He wasn't my best friend, but I should have seen, someone should have seen. We didn't though. All those signs they tell you to look out for? They told him to and so he learnt not to show them anymore. How were we supposed to know? It hurts and you ask yourself why? Then you think, they weren't happy and you ask could I have done something? Is it my fault? And all the teachers and councillors and friends say no! It's not your fault, don't ever think that. But it's too late, you can't just get rid of an idea once it's in your head, it's not that easy.

And then everything starts to loop again and your thinking about how you can relate to a damn movie that has nothing to do with you and then you're feeling guilty and you start to regret life, then you think about your family, your friends, the friend that has a worse life than you could ever have and she's so much stronger than you but she calls you brave and you think it's wrong, then you feel selfish and think of everyone else's lives and how bad they are compared to yours and you think of death and that one friend who won't be graduating with you this year and it makes everything so much worse and it just goes on and on and round and round until finally you run out of words to say and things to do and people to care about...

Thanks Charlie for caring,

From,

Your Friend.


End file.
